Recently when Deepika Padukone, the famous Bollywood actress, openly talked about her depression, I was shocked. Not because of her celebrity status but because she had the guts to talk about this with the public. Depression is such a negative thing that we don’t even talk to our most near and dear ones about it. And here was she, coming out in the open and sensitizing people that depression is a fact; it must be accepted and should be treated in time. I salute her for this.
Her revelation was playing in my mind for some weeks now, because I myself had gone through it 4 years back and the memories of those unpleasant months came back to haunt me. Yes, I suffered from depression and I didn’t know about it then.
Motherhood is a wonderful feeling and a life changing experience. I was completely prepared to handle this change in my life- both mentally and physically. The lovely stories of pregnancy and child care of people around me were only adding to my excitement. However, no one had prepared me for what could happen after childbirth.
Postpartum depression is a clinical depression that affects certain women after childbirth. Symptoms may include sadness, low energy, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. This is as per Wikipedia. I so wish I knew about it then, when I was a patient of it. But I didn’t.
And the result of my ignorance was only adding to my troubles. Everything seemed negative around me, I was fighting for no apparent reasons, and I was just crying and crying. Not that I wasn’t enjoying being a mother-that part was lovely. There was something else that was irritating me and bothering me way too much. I tried looking for answers to what was causing me to be so sad and irritable. I was always a bubbly cheerful, positive girl, so what was it that had changed suddenly? Is it because my husband was working and he would come home late and eat dinner and sleep; while I managed the kid throughout the day-mind it, throughout means 24 hours! Without sleep, without time for self, without doing things I always liked? I thought this is it-my husband is not caring for me and I would fight every day with him. Or some days the reason would shift to being away from my mother- so I would go to her house to find peace but the negativity captured me there too. Or some days it was because I had a colic baby and that’s causing me stress. I just couldn’t pin-point one reason, I kept moving from one reason to the other-blaming one individual or the other-and being such a bad person to be with. I was so bad that I started hating my own self. I hated myself so much that one day while putting my baby to sleep; I thought I will run away-run away from all of this-the kid, the husband, the parents, the responsibilities. I had the full plan running in my mind. Tonight is the night when I am running away. But that night I slept. And the next night the kid didn’t sleep. And the next night something else and it just wouldn’t happen. My plan of running was not succeeding not because of the situations, but because somewhere in my heart, I didn’t want to run. I wanted to run away from my own self and not from people I loved.
It took me almost 6 months to come out of it. I so wish, I knew that time it’s a clinical thing and it’s a natural phenomenon and I could be treated for it. I feel sorry for people who had to be around with me that time. They all were clueless about what’s happening. And that’s because I didn’t talk about it with anyone. Because I didn’t know what to talk about- I could only think and say bad things!
The hormonal changes in a woman’s body are tremendous after a delivery. And the reactions, behaviors, feelings are not in her control. Hence, for the people who are around a lady who is suffering from postpartum depression, here are some things you could do to help her:
- Identify the symptoms: Read about this on internet and identify the symptoms if this is really what is causing the change in her mood. Study well, and take your doctor’s advice on possible medications for the same.
- Make her feel good: She is going through a real bad phase right now, in most cases suffering from self-doubt. Make her feel good by telling her how important she is in your life. Tell her every day, not the repeat of same line, but in various forms. Tell her how good a mother she is turning out to be. Tell her how you love her seeing her manage everything so well. Pamper her. Shower her with all your love. And this is not only for the husband. Your friend, your sister, your neighbor-whoever this is- Make her feel good in your own way.
- Give her Me Time: Help her get a lot of time for things she liked doing, before getting pre-occupied with child care. Ask her to take a break of an hour and go shopping, go for a spa visit, go to a friend’s house, or go to another room to read a book, or maybe just to sleep. Basically, do anything and give her a break from the kid. It’s a recognized fact that managing a kid is no easy task and for first time mothers, this becomes all the more difficult. Her own self-guilt sometimes doesn’t let her part away from the child. And hence you may be required to show her the importance of having some off-time for herself. And to tell her that it’s really okay if she is away for a couple of hours and it doesn’t make her a bad mother.
- Communicate with her: This specially is for the husbands. There is a practical time management challenge in your hands. You have office duty, and then you want to spend time with the new-born and there are some household finances that need your attention and then there is your “Me-Time” of watching tv, reading, browsing internet etc. In all these daily things, you need to find time and space for your wife. Talk to her a lot, how was your day, what did you do, can I help you with this, what’s the plan for tomorrow etc. Your concern and care is what she needs the most. Having a caring husband by the side, can erase a lot of negativity.
These are just few of the many things that could be done, basis my own experience of being a patient of it. Awareness is the first thing to any ailment/sickness. I wasn’t and I suffered. You could be better prepared to handle someone suffering from this. It’s a temporary thing and you can help your loved one come out of it. Be open about it and spread the awareness.
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