Helpful tips to save you from carrying excess baggage to an airport

Standing in the check-in queue to get a boarding pass, used to be better than standing in other queues because of the ambience and the gentry on the whole. But one fateful day changed my perception completely. Or rather my seemingly alright but excess baggage changed it for me.

It so happened that I was flying from an airport which does not see heavy traffic. There wasn’t any other flight around the time the check-in for my flight started. The ground staff was very helpful and we were getting individual attention by them since there were only nine or ten of us present at that time.

When my turn came and I kept my baggage (ahem ahem, excess baggage) on the belt to be checked-in it turned out to be 0.98 kg over and above the allowed weight limit.

This had never happened to me before. The lady at the counter told me I have to pay for the extra 1 kg. She advised me to take out something from the suitcase and keep it in my handbag. I did as she said but my handbag could carry only so much extra stuff and when we weighed the suitcase again it came out to be 0.72 kg above the limit. She told me to take out some more stuff. When I informed her that my handbag couldn’t carry anything more, she told me to pay for the excess baggage again.

I requested her (like we do) to allow that much extra weight. On her firm denial each time, I finally had to ask her how a person is supposed to know that his/her baggage weighed zero point something above the weight allowance. To which she answered “Well, you should have weighed it first.”

Let us take a moment here to grasp what she meant. She wanted me to travel by air which cost me three times the train fare and expected me to buy a weighing machine too! This is ridiculous for an economy traveller like me. Next thing you know she’ll want me to have a microwave in my house first and then travel by air!

From a state of latency my neurons became active and sparks started bursting in my brain. What do I do? How do I convince her not to charge me? Can’t do Elvis, don’t have an attractive ass, don’t own the airlines, what do I do! Think, think, think! At times I think so hard that I feel I should put cotton in my ears lest my brain explodes and grey matter oozes out of my ears. Out of the blue I had a vision of the tribal women in the small town I was brought up in. They used to carry all sorts of stuff in wooden baskets on their heads. Unfortunately, I lacked a basket at the moment and in my head I did not make a pretty picture carrying a basket full of clothes on my head at the airport. What else could I do!

Another idea popped into my head making its way through the aurora created by my neurons. Flattery! It never goes wasted. I made a straight face and said, “Oh it’s not the fault of my suitcase. The thing is it has a tendency to put on weight when it is near something pretty. It’s actually your fault.”  I still cannot believe how thick she was because she understood only the latter part of my dialogue and became visibly angry. The male staff got it, the passengers got it even my suitcase gave a smile but not her.

I quickly switched gears and told her I was kidding because I thought she was kidding with me. But her face remained stern, silently denying it. By now I was utterly frustrated and, in this frustration, I uttered “We can’t make the suitcase do Zumba or jog a mile to lose weight so let’s try moving the suitcase on the conveyer belt a few times, it might shed a few grams.” The effect was ‘nothing’. There was a chilling silence because the dear lady did not understand it again. I couldn’t believe that was a human being not AI. Do the airlines hire marines these days? Impenetrable! I could picture an important looking man in a suit speaking in earnest “Airports have become strategic places to curb terrorism. Let us hire marines as ground staff!” It was bizarre.

By the way, the entire fiasco about the extra 0.72 kg of luggage was happening while passengers were queuing up behind me. On could feel the restlessness in the air, rising with every passing minute. After sometime she gave in and told me that she’ll give me a concession in a tone that made me feel she owned me for the rest of my life. The concession was that she will charge only for half a kg of extra luggage and not one kg. I could not believe my ears. It was like I had just eaten an ice cube and my brain had frozen momentarily. Speechlessly I paid for the extra half kg and got my boarding pass.

I was still in a shock when I realised that I had made it through the security check and was in the waiting area now. Slowly as my sensibilities returned, I started analysing and questioning what had just happened. Just because yours is not a busy airport and you have all the time in the world to stick to rules, does it give you a right to harass people? That too economy class flyers who have to undergo penitence for this sin of theirs (the sin of flying)! Why can’t the airlines charge the business class flyers to make a profit? If I was carrying 5 kg extra weight on my luggage, it is understandable to charge for the excess baggage but not such a miniscule amount. I have been informed on good authority that every extra kg is a cost as it burns more fuel. Well, that makes sense but at least let it be a kilo before you start charging for it!

In my rage I started noticing the posh looking people at the airport. They are very easy to spot their very stylish, small and light baggage. My immediate thought was it might be because I like to be prepared for every situation which is why I carry a heavy suitcase. You never know when apocalypse might hit you or when you are faced with a situation wherein you are served potato fries without ketchup making it important to carry ketchup. It is the sensible thing to do.

But then I realised that it wasn’t me at all, it was the rich strata all along. They carried only documents and lip tint with them because wherever they go, they buy whatever they need. They work on a use and throw basis. That is the reason why they don’t carry heavy luggage and only the economy flyers, the ‘prepared’ ones have to pay the penalty.

But I still do not agree with charging money when the extra weight is less than a kilo. This incident has permanently scarred me and my opinion of that queue mentioned earlier. Now I am terrified to stand in this particular queue lest my baggage weighs 0.001 gm above the allowed limit.

Here are some tips for travellers like me (I hope I am not the only who travels like this) to avoid the embarrassment of carrying excess baggage:

1. Even though it is painful but try to travel light or just lighter. Discuss your travel list with someone who travels light. Try to strike out a few things that the light traveller considers non-essential and are not very high on your priority list. E.g. leave the ketchup behind.
2. Go small. So, if you just cannot leave that ketchup behind, carry 2-3 small sachets instead of a bottle. Try to carry stuff in quantities required for the amount of time you are away wherever possible. For example, carry sachets of shampoo, conditioners, creams, lotions etc. If you can’t manage sachets then just put stuff in smaller containers or bottles instead of carrying the whole 2 litre bottle of your favourite shampoo.
3. Exploit the amazing Amazon. If you can get stuff delivered where you are travelling and you afford to spend some money, order things to reach your place of stay at around the time you reach there. For example, bulky stuff like diapers or baby wipes.
4. Carry a handbag that is large but light and spacious. Even if you have to shift some items from your check-in baggage it shouldn’t be a problem.

If all the above fails and you end up in the same situation of having to pay for an excess baggage, the most effective way to wiggle out of it is to learn hypnosis. That seems to be the only way around a marine without administering drugs.