This is how my boss built my confidence

It was the second or maybe the third year of my corporate life. I was settling in well to the demands of my exciting HR role. I was part of a good company, a great team and amazing human beings- the ideal setting to grow as a professional. We had gone out to a hill station for an off-site. The idea was to get together as the North Hub HR team to plan and strategize the key deliverables of our team for that financial year. I was very excited. Not only because it was my first off-site, but also because I was meeting the HR team members of other states for the first time, that included not just peers but also the senior most leaders. The road trip included a lot of singing,dancing and fooling around- things you’d expect from any young brigade who were out on their first trip. I remember the meeting hall very clearly. We were seated there early in the morning. The view of the trees and the hills was serene and perfect. The room had that typical damp wooden smell, which is characteristic of most hill station houses or hotels. We were around 35 of us, and an external trainer was conducting this team building session for us. The trainer started off the session with an impactful video that showed the power of team work. His message was clear- to achieve anything, it is important to trust and value each other and to be other’s support. Very powerful message. The room was filled with the team spirit air of ‘Yes, we will do it”, “We are no.1”, “We can achieve anything”. I felt quite charged up. The trainer then started asking each one of us how would we contribute as an individual to this team’s success. His question was simple- What extra you would do, in your current role, if you were to be the No.1 team in the company? We were given a few minutes to think about it. And then, in a chronological order, starting from the far end of the room, he started asking answers from every person present in the room. Depending on the role they were handling, each of them answered the question to the best of their ability, and to the satisfaction of the trainer and the leaders. Almost three-fourth of the room had answered, when my turn came. I had been thinking all this while. I knew all the fancy answers that I could give. But that video kept playing in my head, and none of my fancy answers seemed right. I said, to the shock and amazement of everyone in the room- “I wouldn’t do anything extra, in fact, I would strive to do whatever is given to me in the best possible manner”. The trainer tried to explain the context to me again. “We want to grow as a team, we have to do something more.Each one of us have to step up”, he said. “Well, sir, the video that you showed us, was a brilliant one. But if you think about the video, the initial problems occurred because that traffic policeman was sleeping, because the construction worker chose not to clear the mess, because the MCD of that area didn’t feel like picking up that tree. Yes, later, the public got together, became one team and did something that wasn’t their job-they did something extra. But the whole problem occurred because the individuals who were supposed to play their parts,didn’t do a good job of it.” There was silence in the room. As the senior leader stood upto bring some sense to me, a young fresher who is messing up with the script of the session, my hands started trembling. I was convinced of my answer, but I didn’t expect such deafening silence or this snub from the trainer. Before the main boss could speak, my immediate boss, Vishal spoke. He had given his answer earlier. Vishal was known to speak his mind, he never chided away from calling out a spade. He was one of the most intellectual and logical leader I had met. I respected him a lot and was scared of him (a lot).  With a pen in his hand (which he kept moving, as if he was thinking while speaking), he said, “I think what Dora is saying is correct. Instead of striving to do something extra, something more, why can’t we just ensure that whatever work is given to us, we do that best.” I heaved a sigh of relief, and it just gave me the courage and the determination to make my point clear to the room and I spoke again; still glued to my seat, because I was a little frozen from inside, but Vishal’s backing acted like the fire my icy body needed at that time. “If you look at a cricket game, each of the player has a role to play. The team gets in trouble when the top order doesn’t score runs, or when the bowlers can’t get wickets or when the wicket-keeper misses stumpings etc. Each of them has a role to play. Yes, they step up, when they are already in trouble. All I am saying, why be in a position where you need somebody to step up? Why can’t individually we all give our best, each being exceptional contributor to the team, and we would achieve what we have to.” The discussion carried on with more voices buying this point of view and by the time we had the lunch break, the exercise was changed from what extra we would do to dividing our responsibilities well so that nothing falls between the cracks. I was very relieved and happy that day. Not because I changed the course of a discussion, but because I was heard and my viewpoint was respected. I get reminded of this instance a lot. Not for the bravery I showed, but for the support Vishal gave to my thought process. I always imagine, if Vishal hadn’t backed me up, if his speaking wouldn’t have given courage to others to speak, if the senior leader had dismissed my viewpoint as childish and immature, would I have achieved the success I did as a corporate professional? May be not. That meeting enabled me to think creatively and express myself freely and confidently- a trait I carried on forever in both my professional and personal life. I try to be Vishal whenever I am talking to young kids of my class. They imagine a fish in the tree, and I let them, they imagine a lion in the house, and its fine. Backing someone’s thoughts, giving it a good discussion and ultimately bringing that thought to a logical end can do wonders to anybody’s confidence and creativity levels. As adults what we mostly tend to do is prescribe or give a box to questions or problems, and we expect them to think out of the box! Why box in the first place. There is a problem or a question, now you think what could be done- simple. Sadly, I didn’t see many Vishals in my corporate life and I often felt quite bad for the young minds who joined companies with so much enthusiasm and energy. Having a good leader, who appreciates your thinking, is still such a rare thing. I am trying to do my part by bridging this gap in the smaller age categories by providing them a free, creative thinking time, where they paint a face green (and not peach) and when asked why, they answer- because he just ate a bad thing and he is feeling sick!
Photo by Nicole Honeywill on Unsplash