What to do when you are in a relationship at work?

The two of us weren’t meant to be together. I realised within the first week that this relationship won’t last long, but I still carried on for 2 years. Every day it felt like I was in jail, suffocating myself to death. Self-doubt, critique, negativity became part of me. I just couldn’t believe I would land myself in this situation. I was always the free bird, the happy soul, who was liked by one and all. And now I was being made to feel totally worthless and non important.

Not wanting to give in, I tried every day to work things out. Sometimes by talking to him and sometimes by writing to him. But nothing seemed to change him. He felt he was right in every possible sense and it’s me who is not able to match up to his expectations.

One day, I couldn’t meet him at the scheduled time. I was late, and as always, he got mad at me for being so careless with his time. Not even once did he ask why I got late. I had not been keeping well, but that was obviously not his concern. I had had enough by then. The last 24 months with him had shown me the extreme lows and I wasn’t prepared to carry on like this anymore. I called it quits and didn’t look back. He seemed happy that the decision to leave was mine and not his.

I hear he is happy now, the new girl gives him all that I couldn’t. She is the perfect, the best and the most amazing employee he could ever have.

My working relationship as a subordinate to my boss clearly didn’t work out in this case.

When we enter a workplace, we enter into a world of new professional relationships. Boss-subordinate, fellow colleagues, some by choice and some by design. We either like being in one or more of these relationships or we just absolutely hate the sight of some.

What to do when you are in a relationship at work?

We hear about bad bosses all the time in the corporate world. But I realise now, that there is nothing called a bad boss. And in fact, a bad employee.

Both the subordinate and the reporting manager are individuals who come from some background, some school of thought, working styles, personal or professional plans or baggage. Some click with each other and some don’t. The same individual can be a star performer under one boss and can be put under a Performance Improvement Plan under the other.

Getting that perfect match is a game of luck and destiny. Because even if you get all your background checks done, you can’t still be sure that this boss will be good to you. Because what works with one, may not work with another.

I know of a workaholic manager who walks, talks, sleeps, eats only work. Aspirational people, who have all their time for office at their young ages, love working with him. But the family committed types, hate how their boss makes them work 24/7.

I also know of a sweet, approachable and a very understanding boss. A lot of his team members’ love being around him and getting into talks with him, but there is a breed which says we don’t get much learning out of him.

Managing with a boss who doesn’t align with your ways of working can be very tough. It’s almost as if you are in a dead relationship, where no matter how much each tries, the things never improves. But as is true for every personal relationship you have, you shouldn’t just give in without trying. And never ever get affected by the herd mentality while deciding if your boss is good or not.

In the end, it’s all about what’s your chemistry. Rest, as they say, is all history!